As I shared in a previous post, we started a podcast! And, one thing I wasn’t expecting was to be on an episode! Episode number two! As you listen and read through this post you will see why this was so difficult for me but also necessary. Facing my fears head on and fighting through the lies.
A couple of years ago I started praying for friends. Three years ago things got hard for me. I couldn’t do it all myself anymore. Life, I couldn’t do life alone anymore. Yes, I have an incredible husband and three fabulous children. We get along well and have a great relationship. However, I had no community. I didn’t have my person. I didn’t have a girlfriend I could call when something exciting happened. I had no one to sit for hours and laugh with or when something happened in my life that hurt me to tears, I had no shoulder to cry on and I didn’t have anyone crying on my shoulder either. Well, except MY babies. And even then, when life seemed so overwhelming, I had no one to walk through those moments with.
I didn’t realize when I was praying for friends that God would lead me to my preacher’s wife and to the woman that grew up in church. And, to top it all off, within just a few weeks of meeting them God sent us all in to starting a women’s ministry! That was pretty extreme. Everything I feared, being around women that had more biblical knowledge than me, and everything I prayed for, community that could teach me and show me how to live more like Jesus, was right in front of me! It was time to set my fears aside and walk in the path the Lord was laying down for me. Deep breath and one step at a time.
Everything I feared, being around women that had more biblical knowledge than me, and everything I prayed for, community that could teach me and show me how to live more like Jesus, was right in front of me!
That sounds so great, doesn’t it? I prayed, the Lord answered my prayers and that was it! Nope. Mentally it wasn’t pretty for me. It was actually so stressful that I was ready to quit. Quit everything. Quit those friendships and quit the amazing women’s ministry we had all just started. I was so focused on the wrong things. My insecurities told me, “You’re not good enough!”, “You don’t belong!”, “There is someone better that can take your place here”, “You don’t know enough about scripture.” These ladies never made me feel this way. They never said anything or acted any certain way that made me feel this way. It was all Satan telling me lies and I was eating them up.
One summer day I was out with a friend. We had taken our children to the zoo and while we were sitting on a bench, I explained to her my feelings. I told her that I felt so different from these new friends. That I felt like I didn’t belong and that I wanted to give up. She responded so plainly with, “Just stick it out!” God had put it on my heart to “just stick it out!” I just needed to hear it! And, thankfully, as loving as God is, he let this stubborn girl hear it!!
So, instead of fighting against where God had led me, I decided to start fighting for it. It was time to stop all the nonsense I was filling my head with and start filling it was His TRUE Word!
Y’all go listen to the podcast! We will have new episodes up soon!
