About four years ago my life felt like a train wreck. I was exhausted. My joints hurt. I couldn’t move. My brain was numb and felt really dumb. I couldn’t put thoughts together to form sentences. I was spiritually dead and my entire body felt the pain of it. I went to several doctors but they couldn’t heal me. They couldn’t tell me what was wrong. They gave me tons of supplements. I would take so many supplements that I would feel full, like I had just had a meal! Those didn’t heal me.
Now, let me back up just a bit here and give you some of the back story. . .
About three and a half years ago, I was invited to go to a church in Atlanta with a group of ladies that I hardly knew. My workout instructor, Chelsea, invited me to go. Passion City Church hosts a women’s event every month called The Grove. I was so nervous. My spiritual life wasn’t what theirs was and when I sat too long and compared myself to them, I really didn’t want to go. Something told me to “go anyway!” While we were there I met the pastor’s wife of the church I had been working out at for almost a year. Her name is Katelyn. Chelsea attends Church at the Grove and taught workout classes there. I hadn’t ever attended the church services but loved my workouts with Chelsea. She made it more than just working out. She made it spiritual. She brought Jesus and made sure that we were all prayed over before our workouts.
A few weeks later, after meeting Katelyn, I began attending services with our three children at Church at the Grove. It was everything and MORE! The worship is beautiful and the message God speaks through pastor Nathan is always spot on! Something was missing though.
It was sometime in December that God put it on my heart to ask about their women’s ministry. Did they have one? How could we start one??? Like, God was putting some crazy big plans in my head that were completely uncomfortable and way above my knowledge levels!! One Sunday during service, I felt so uncomfortable. I was stirred up, fidgety and lead to ask Katelyn, who I barely knew at that time, about starting a women’s ministry. I was so nervous as I walked up the aisle to her after service. When I got to her, she was talking to Staci. A friend I knew from our days at Solid Rock Baptist Church in Covington. I attended for a short while there and got to know her. She was now attending CATG. But, as I approached Katelyn and Staci, I heard them very excitedly talking about starting a women’s ministry. I had tears streaming down my face before I could even speak to her about why I was standing in front of her. That’s when Staci pulled Chelsea by the arm into our circle and said to her, “You need to be a part of this!”
GOD was working out the details for something big!!
In about one month’s time, God worked out every single detail for our new women’s ministry. It was to be called THRIVE and backed by the verses from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
We ran on adrenaline and the Holy Spirit for months! None of us knew exactly what we were doing and it took us about a year before we felt like God made it clear what our talents and strengths were within this mission He blessed us with. But, before this beautiful melding happened, I secretly didn’t feel like I fit in with these amazing women. I was so uncomfortable. I wanted to quit. I WANTED TO RUN!
Even though I had known my sweet friend Chelsea for over a year working out with her, even though I had known Staci for over eight years, I just didn’t feel like I stacked up! I took this to the Lord, time and time again. Explaining to my sweet Father that this just wasn’t for me. He told me over and over to, “Stay. Sit in My Presence”, “Be still”. “Do not give up”, He would encourage me. So, I stayed and I continued to pray!
You see to get to this point in my life, I had to do something even harder than staying with this amazing group of ladies. I had to give up several friendships. Friendships that I had had for over six years. I was comfortable with these ladies. These were my first friendships as an adult and a mother, too. However, they just weren’t helping me grow spiritually and I wasn’t helping them grow spiritually either. I recently looked back at this passage that I wrote around the time I was growing from all this. . .
Dear Lord, thank you for confirming to me that the friendships you pruned away, while fulfilling in so many wonderful ways, were completely empty spiritually. Thank you for hearing my cry and plea for friendships that are centered around you! You delivered and I am so grateful. Please teach me how to be a good, spiritual friend! Thank you for creating my critics, haters and those nay-sayers. You used them to get me closer to You! Please allow their oppositions to drive me forward in relationship with you through prayer and petition and thanksgiving. If it weren’t for them, and for my health issues and the struggles of my past, I wouldn’t be here, pressing forward and praising You in Your Holy Name!!
Even though I knew God had blessed me with new, spiritual friendships and this new incredible mission, I wanted the comforts of the old relationships. I had to give it time to grow! I had to COMMIT and truly let go of the idols I had placed before Him! I began praying for others. I specifically prayed for whoever crossed my path through the story of my pain. I prayed for them, that they would see my Redeemer, my Savior, my Father through my broken story.
God’s Word was my “hug” during all this! It was the DETOX that my body needed! His scriptures gave me hope, peace and the ability to keep on walking the straight path He created for me.
Healing happens in the commitment to our Savior!
As my commitment to reading God’s Word began to take priority in my life, I began to understand who I am and who I was created to be. I became more dependent on the Lord instead of unhealthy friendships and self reliance. I joined a bible study and started one at our home too. I learned so much from these women!
As my soul was being nourished, I started to heal!
I became more confident and assertive! I realized the difference between instant gratification and the Lord’s Best. I surrendered. I began to give God control of everything: my schedule, our finances. My life didn’t get easier, by no means! However, I was able to see things from a Kingdom Perspective instead of my own. I realized the control wasn’t in my hands, rather that God is in control of who is in control. I received God’s grace and mercy!
Healing with my sisters!
Through our Bible study groups, I learned two key components:
By sharing our hearts and confessing our sins to one another, we now know how to pray for one another. I had prayer warriors that were fighting battles with me and me for them too!
One sister’s struggle was mine at one time and I know how to navigate it! Now she won’t have as hard of a time completing the trek because she now has my knowledge. Sometimes it’s the other way around. We are able to share God’s Word with one another. His truth gets us through!
But, JESUS did!! Jesus healed me. My whole body was healed, including my SOUL, through my commitment to Him!
And then I came to church. I felt celebrated and as I came more I became known and felt loved. In my commitment to showing up, I started to heal.
I was caught up in making a name for myself that was beyond the pain of my past. That would prove that I wasn’t my past. But I learned that none of that was necessary. God had already called me to be His child! An heir to the throne. Accepted. Loved.
Dear Lord, Please break the strong holds that keep her bound in a place where NO growth happens!! Lord, we know that the crushing has to happen for your plan to unfold and that you only crush the one’s you love the most so that your plan will prevail!! Lord, our first reaction is to RUN, to go to others and talk about the difficultly that we are experiencing. But, they can’t heal us. So, today Lord, turn Your face toward her. Rest Your peace on her soul!! Make clear to her what she needs to bring to your feet. What are the burdens that keep her from walking in your Truth? Let her come to you for healing NOT anyone else!! Let her run to her FATHER because You are in control and will bring ultimate healing in her life! Let her rejoice in the difficult times and in the good times too! In Jesus Name. Amen.
